Losing you was the best diet ever - I've dropped 100lbs of useless fat!

I wouldn't give you and your camel toe a nod in the desert

You are such a low-life you don't even deserve the steam off of my piss

Stop talking - your breath is causing a hole in the ozone layer

Learn how to use deodorant you smelly git

Oi! Dog's breath - learn how to use a toothbrush

I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire

I know I said I loved you - but I lied. It was the beer talking

You can go back to shagging sheep now

I know I said you were the best sex ever, but I lied - it was the drugs talking and I needed them to fuck you

The worst time in our relationship was when you were awake

You think you're hung like a horse...but I've seen bigger 5 year olds

You are so beautiful, sweet and faithful - it's a pity I don't like animals

I wish you lots of itching and short arms

You have the face of a saint - a Saint Bernard dog!

If you didn't have feet, would you wear shoes? No? Then why do you wear a bra?

I love the sea, I love the rocks, but when I see you I need to puke

If you are raped and cannot defend yourself - keep still and enjoy it

Roses are red. Violets are blue. But a face like yours belongs in a zoo

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Shit stinks a lot better than you

Never dance naked - your body has parts that don't stop moving when the music ends

Whats the difference between you and a dildo? You are a REAL prick

If my face looked like yours, I'd shave my backside and walk on my hands

Whats the difference between you and a battery? Batteries have a positive side

Please turn your mobile phone upside down to read this message... 370HSSV 0773H

Why do you get PMS? Because you fucking deserve it

You have the sex appeal of a wet paper bag

Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop

You have a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

I've seen better makeup on a monkeys ass

You should learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control

You've got a face that only a mother could love. Unfortunately, she hates it as well

I heard you've changed your mind. What did you do with the diaper?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable - like a coma

Well, you are living proof that even a turd can be polished

You are proof that God has a sense of humor

May wild horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mothers mouth

Do the world a favor - take an overdose

Your pussy smells like you've rubbed a sweaty tuna steak in your crack

God you stink - are you sure you've changed your tampon?